Living Life Fully’s Daily Pick-Me-Up

We put on an invitational track meet at our school the other day.  A few hundred high school students were there to compete, from over ten schools.  Everything went pretty smoothly–a lot of young athletes had the chance to compete against each other, and there were really no negative incidents.

There was something very positive that happened, though.  As everything was winding down and the students were heading back to their buses, a few athletes from one of the schools approached our head coach.  “Thank you very much for hosting the meet,” they said to him.  “It was great.”

Out of the few hundred students, three or four of them had taken the time and made the effort to thank the main person who had been in charge of making everything run smoothly.  I couldn’t help but think as I watched it happen, “Those kids are going to go far in life.”

You see, they already know one of life’s greatest secrets–when you’re grateful, express the gratitude.  When you’re thankful, make sure that you share that thankfulness.  I can’t begin to count how many times I’ve been thankful for something but I’ve kept quiet, not telling anyone that I was thankful.  Looking back on those situations, I really wish that I had taken the time and made the effort to say thank you to someone, to express the gratitude that I felt.  I’m sure that such an expression would have made them feel better.  I know that the thanks that the high school students said to the coach meant a lot to him, and were among the most important words he heard that evening.

A sincere thank you can be one of the most powerful expressions in our lives.  It’s unfortunate that most of us keep our thanks to ourselves, only rarely expressing the thoughts of gratitude that we have.  If I can learn to be better at expressing thanks when I feel them, then I’m certain that I’ll be making my life much richer and much, much fuller.

Those kids are going to go far in life because they know something important.  When you take the time to thank someone for something that they’ve done, then the next time they have a chance to do something for you, they’re much more likely to go all out to do it the best that they possibly can.  So their considerate thanks a couple of evenings ago can help to contribute to more positive events in their lives in the future.  It’s a simple law of life–we get what we give.  And if we give thanks, we get more reasons to continue to give thanks.

Practicing gratitude will help us more fully appreciate what has been offered us.  Being grateful influences our attitude; it softens our harsh exterior and takes the threat out of most new situations.

unattributed

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My wife and I went hiking this morning, just a bit over 4 miles up a mountain and then back.  We left early because we always leave early for hikes.  We know how tiring they are, and we know that as the sun gets higher and the day gets hotter, it can be pretty miserable to still be out in the sun hiking.

We’re always amazed at the number of people who are just starting out on their hikes when we’re getting back.  We’re also amazed at the number of these people who look simply miserable because they’re already overheated and feeling exhausted because of the heat.

To us, it’s a simple decision–leave early and we never have to deal with excessive heat while we’re climbing up a mountain.  Every time we hike, though, we see people who haven’t made that decision, and who are suffering because of it.  They want to make it to the summit, but the task is much, much more difficult when they start late and are climbing during the hottest part of the day.  I wouldn’t think anything of it if these people looked like they were having fun, but most of them don’t look like they’re enjoying themselves at all–they’re just climbing because they decided to climb, and they’re going to reach the summit come hell or high water.

Life is so often about simple decisions.  If I know it’s going to be hot, do I want to be in the last half of a four-hour hike after noon?  Absolutely not.  If I have to get up at five tomorrow morning and I have control over what time I go to bed, do I want to stay up until midnight?  Nope.  If I know that I have a project due at work tomorrow and I’m not finished, do I still turn on the football game and watch it?  Hardly.

Of course, we can’t make other people’s decisions for them, but we certainly can make our own.  And most of them aren’t that complicated at all–situations generally get complicated when we make poor decisions to begin with and we have to start dealing with the results of the decisions.  For example, I’ve seen many people hiking late in the day with no water at all in the Grand Canyon–and they’ve brought all three kids with them.  When they turn around and start up the trail to climb out of the Canyon, you can believe that they’re going to be facing some serious problems with their thirsty and hungry kids who would rather be anywhere else.

Life’s often like a hike–we constantly have to make decisions as to where we’re going and how we’re going to get there.  And if the decisions are pretty simple, so much the better–let’s just try to make the decisions that will keep things simple so that we can avoid the fallout that almost always comes from making poor decisions.

We are the creative force of our life, and through our own decisions rather than our conditions, if we carefully learn to do certain things, we can accomplish those goals.

Stephen Covey

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One of the most difficult lessons that I continue to struggle with in life is that of letting go.  There are so many situations in my life that are completely out of my control, yet I somehow feel that I should be able to make them turn out well just with a little bit of effort or with intervention on my part.  This is usually just wrong, though–such situations will take care of themselves much more easily and effectively when I’m able simply to let go of my need to try to make things happen the way that I think they should, and allow them to happen in their natural ways.

Usually when I have trouble letting go it’s because I want to help someone else.  Perhaps they come to me for advice, and I start to think that I somehow can solve their problems for them.  And when I give someone advice, I feel that it’s important that they actually put my advice into practice so that their problems will go away.

The wisest people in the world, though–the truly wise, not those people who claim to be wise–have always said that the best thing to do if we want to help others is to stand back and allow them to live their lives.  Yes, we can give them advice, but then it’s important to leave them be with that advice and allow them to do with it whatever they will.  Perhaps they’ll heed it, and that will be good.  Perhaps they’ll ignore it completely, and that will be good, too.  Either path may not lead to the best of results, but both paths allow them to take actions, see results, and learn from experience.

There are billions of people living their lives right now who have no idea that I exist, much less that I might have advice for them.  And I’m fine with that.  When we get close to people, though, we tend to think that our level of influence and control over their lives grows, but if we want to respect them and allow them to be who they are, we’ll let go of any semblance of what we believe to be control that we can.  Let’s let people live their lives with our input, but without our expectations of what they should do and when they should do it.  That way we can allow them to be free to live their own lives their own way, and we can lose the stress and tension that come from trying to control the lives of others, or even our own lives.  Let go, and let things be–two great pieces of advice that can lead to more happiness and fulfillment in our lives.

Letting go doesn’t mean we don’t care.  Letting go doesn’t mean we shut down.  Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave.  It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment.  It means we stop trying to do the impossible–controlling that which we cannot–and instead, focus on what is possible–which usually means taking care of ourselves.  And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible.

Melody Beattie

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I went for a hike in the Grand Canyon this past weekend, the first time that I’d been out hiking for quite a while.  It was a great experience, though I was once again quite shocked at just how little I get out for such things.  While I was there I was astonished by the beauty and wonder of the place, as well as by the clean air and the silence and all of the other things that make such a place so special.  But I was also fully cognizant of the fact that even though I have many beautiful places close by that I can visit, I often choose to stay at home rather than to go out and enjoy the great outdoors.

The natural world is definitely one of the richest elements of the lives we lead on this planet.  Nature offers us healing and peace and marvelous sights that inspire us and give us the sense of awe that keeps us feeling humble as a part of something much, much larger than ourselves.  And all it takes from us is a bit of effort to leave the comfort of our living rooms in order to go out and spend some time in places that motivate and inspire us.

What do you do to get out in nature?  How do you feel when you’re out there?  And if the answer is “really good” or something like that, then the next question has to be, why aren’t you there more often?  I know that I often ask myself that question, and the answer almost always is because work and other obligations don’t allow me to spend as much time in nature as I really want to spend.  So when I do have the chances, I want to take full advantage of them and enjoy them as much as I can.  And as I get older and have less time left on this planet, I want to make more time to spend in and with nature, so that on the day I do leave this planet I can say that I truly did all that I could to learn about and know this world that is one of God’s greatest gifts to me, and to all of us.

Nature helps me.  It calms me, it allows me to renew my perspective.  It allows me to feel a sense of awe and amazement.  Life being the amazing set of interdependent elements that it is, I know that I’m just as much a part of nature as it is a part of me, and I sincerely hope that I never neglect nature or take it for granted, for then I’d be doing damage to myself, as well.

Joan Borysenko

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I passed a hitch-hiker today on my way home.  I immediately felt an urge to stop and give him a ride, but just as quickly I remembered one of my few hard-and-fast rules in life:  don’t stop for hitchhikers.

In some ways it seems to be a contradictory rule in my life–after all, I try to focus on serving other people and doing things for others.  And I used to pick up hitchhikers and give them rides all the time.  It seemed like the right thing to do.

But then I read too many articles about people who had picked up hitchhikers who ended up being robbed or murdered.  From experience I know that being next to someone you don’t even know in a very small space can be awkward and even dangerous.  And I also started thinking about my wife and step-kids, and how it would affect them if I were to become a victim of someone to whom I gave a ride.

So I made a decision one day:  I won’t pick up hitchhikers.  It was a firm decision, and one that I’ve stuck to.  And while I have very few strict rules in my life, this one seemed to make very good sense on many levels.  I prefer to let life and its situations flow on their own and to deal with things as they come up, but I didn’t like the vulnerable situation in which I put myself when I would give someone a ride.

I think that we all need some hard and fast rules in our lives.  Not all that many, but ones that feel right in our souls, in our hearts.  Like not to cheat on a spouse, or not to abuse a child, or to pray for people who can use our prayers, or to share what we have with others.  Life is always changing, and not all rules fit all situations, but we can help ourselves by making sure that when it comes to some things we never even have to agonize over what we think we should do, for the decision already has been made.  If we’re careful about what those decisions are, then we can take away a lot of doubt and anxiety, and add a lot of certainty in situations in which certainty may be helpful.

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Everybody needs help.  Sometimes it’s hard to remind myself of this fact when I’m surrounded by people who seem to have everything together, who seem to be completely self-sufficient, who seem to need no help at all.  Other people can put on masks that make it almost impossible to know truly what they’re feeling, which makes us think sometimes that they don’t need our help.

But help doesn’t always have to be deep and intense.  It doesn’t have to be major aid.  It can be something as simple as carrying a bag of groceries, or volunteering to babysit for an evening, or even getting up to get someone else’s coffee for them.

The most important thing about being helpful is developing the habit of being helpful.  It should come as second nature to us, and be something that we don’t have to think long and hard about.

That said, though, the second most important thing about being helpful is knowing when our help would be more destructive than constructive, knowing when our help would be more about enabling than anything else.

I want to be a helpful person, but I shy away from it sometimes, convincing myself that a person doesn’t want or need my help.  I’m much better at it than I used to be, and I’m able now to offer my help much more often than I used to.  Someday, I hope that I’m able to offer my help freely without worrying whether others will accept it or not, but I’m not there yet.  I do know that as I’m able to help more people, I feel more fulfilled with my life, and I see my personal gifts being put to greater use than they ever have been before.

Ruth Smeltzer

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If I want the world of the future to include respectful, caring people, then I must treat children of today with respect and caring, being a role model to help them to grow up well.

If I want to see and hear less gossip in the world, then I must not gossip and share information that I’m unsure of that may hurt others.

If I want my days to be full of kind words and gladness, then I must share kind words and gladness with others.

If I want the young people in my life to have a stronger chance of achieving their goals and reaching their dreams, then I must encourage them and help them to build their confidence.

If I want my friends to live happier, healthier lives, then I must encourage them and be there for them when they need me with what they need, rather than trying to tell them what to do in order to be happier.

If I want the planet upon which we all must live to thrive and be healthy, then I must actively work to make it so, even if my contribution is as small as driving less and picking up some litter.

If I want to be promoted or to find better work, then I must work to improve myself by reading or otherwise learning the information and skills that will make me invaluable at any work that I choose to do.

If I want to feel peace of heart and peace of mind, then I must search out periods of time when I can be at peace in peaceful surroundings.

If I want to be healthier, then I must eat healthier, exercise regularly, and find productive ways to deal with stress in my life.

If I want strong relationships, then I must work at communicating effectively, I must stop trying to control other people’s thoughts and actions, and I must develop realistic expectations of what others can and cannot do.

If I want to be able to help others, I must love myself, I must trust myself, and I must develop the compassion necessary to recognize the needs of others.

If I want to be special, then I must recognize that I am special, and I must know that there’s no need to prove how special I am to anyone.

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I just read an interesting line in a book that made me stop and think for quite a while.  A man writes about a question that he asks in seminars that he delivers:  “How many of you want to leave the world a better place for you having lived here?”  After almost everyone raises their hands, he asks them another question.

“What’s your plan?”

Wow–there’s the question of a lifetime.  If I want to leave the world a better place, in no matter what level of influence I may have, then don’t I really need a plan?  I think I do.  Do I have a plan?  I think I don’t.

So my goal right now is simply to get others to think of where they are on this issue, just as I’m thinking about where I am.  Do I have a plan?  What kind of plan might I make?  Which of my gifts and abilities need to be reflected in that plan?  I know in my heart that as I think of this, I’m going to discover some ideas and possibilities that I never have thought of before.  And when I do, I’ll make them a part of my plan!

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Sometimes it just feels right to present something that someone else wrote.  After all, there are many wonderful passages out there that can be quite helpful and inspiring to us.  And sometimes when we just don’t feel it inside of ourselves, it’s good to go with the flow and not try to force something to come out.  So here are some words that have been extremely helpful to me, as they’ve given me a new perspective on just who and what I am:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you NOT to be?  You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel unsure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.  As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

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I just finished taking a class of high school students through the book Dances with Wolves, exploring the changes through which the main character passes in the course of the narrative.  The most fascinating thing about making our way to the end of the novel, though, was realizing just how strongly the novel explored the concept of identity, and the idea that perhaps the identities that we were born with and raised under aren’t necessarily our true identities.

In the novel, Dunbar is an Army lieutenant, but he’s a man who never has felt a part of anything.  He’s always considered himself to be an outsider, someone who doesn’t belong.  When he finally “becomes” Comanche, though, he finds his true identity, and he feels authentic for the first time in his life.  It’s not that he’s rejecting what he was, but more like he has reached an important place in his life towards which he had been traveling a very long time.

How long do most of us hold on to the identities that we’re born and raised with?  How many people do you know who would fight to the death to maintain the identities with which they feel the most comfortable?

Could it be, though, that our true, authentic identities lie elsewhere than we think they do?  Is it possible that one of our purposes in life could be to find out, to discover, who we truly are inside, as opposed to what we’ve been taught we are (which very often is more like what someone else wants us to be)?  For example, I’ve always considered myself to be a college teacher, but now that I’m teaching high school for the first time, I find myself very comfortable there.  So which am I–a college teacher, or a high school teacher?

The students really appreciated the idea that this man found his identity in something that previously had been outside of himself.  They appreciated the fact that he had an open enough mind just to consider that there might be much to learn and appreciate in the Comanche way of life, as opposed to the other white men of his time who thought that Indians were simply savages who should be exterminated.  They appreciated the fact that he had enough presence of mind to see clearly who treated him as a human being, and who treated him as just another soldier.

What is your identity?  It’s not an easy question to answer if we think it through carefully.  We can learn a lot, though, from the novelist if we think that our identities may be somewhere other than where we think they are–who we are is inside of us, and our authentic selves may fit better in different contexts than the ones we’ve been taught they should fit in.  If we keep our eyes and hearts open, we may someday find the places and the people we’re meant to be with, and it may surprise us a great deal to find out who and where that is!

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