Living Life Fully’s Daily Pick-Me-Up

Sometimes death comes up and smacks you right between the eyes.  It happened to me today, reminding me of some very important truths in life.  Truths that have to do with the fact that this life will one day end, for all of us, and with the idea that if we’re going to be satisfied and content with what we’ve done with our lives once death comes, it’s important that we spend our right nows doing things that will make us satisfied, or just being people with whom we’ll be satisfied on that day when death comes calling for us.

If I want to be content with all that I’ve done on the day I die, then I need to make positive choices today about what I’m doing today and tomorrow.  Is what I’m doing contributing in positive ways to the lives of others?  Will this next action of mine contribute to the peace and hope of the world, or the anger and frustration?

If I want to have a sense of peace on my deathbed (assuming I die in bed!), then I need to be sure that I do things that will bring me–and others–peace.  Starting or continuing arguments will never do that, nor will gossiping or spreading rumors.  Encouraging others and giving them praise, on the other hand, will.

If I want to have no regrets when I’m ready to pass on, then I need to take risks and do things that I dream of doing.  I can’t live safely inside of an artificial shell that is supposed to protect me–that’s the kind of protection that harms me more than it helps me.  Risk is a major ingredient of a fulfilling life, and the lack of risk gives us a life with no seasoning at all–just blandness and boring tastes.

I was reminded today that death will come.  If I keep that fact in mind, I can live my life so that it won’t really matter when it does–I’ll be ready to move on and willing to let go of a life that I’ve lived fully, rather than kicking and scratching to hold on to it in order to get again the chances to do so many of the things that I didn’t do when I had the chances to do them in the first place.  Which way would you prefer to go?

Death twitches my ear.
“Live,” he says, “I am coming.”

Virgil

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One of the most important pieces of advice that I’ve ever heard is not to judge people until you’ve walked in their shoes.  Another important piece of advice for me is to listen to advice from other people who have learned through experience.

You see, almost everyone has heard the advice about walking in other people’s shoes.  Most people, though, don’t take advice like that to heart, and thus they lose the opportunity to learn some very important things about life and living.

One of the most important things about walking in other people’s shoes is the fact that it’s about the only way that we can learn true compassion.  When we see what other people are going through and try to understand it through the framework of our own feelings and experiences, then we simply can’t understand the truth of what they’re going through.  If we try to open our minds to understanding that there are other ways to experience things, we just might get a small indication of what it’s like to feel what they’re feeling.

And only when we get that small indication can we begin to feel compassion.  Only then can we accept that even if someone is experiencing things in ways that I never have, that doesn’t change their pain or their joy or their confusion or their satisfaction.  When we can step back and allow others to experience life in their own ways, then we can start to feel a part of a greater whole–then we can truly feel part of the human race.

Everyone is living his or her unique life.  That’s the beauty of being part of a world of individuals.  Our job isn’t necessarily to understand what others are going through or controlling it or fixing it, but simply allowing it to be and responding to it not according to what we think is expected of us, but according to what our true, sincere and authentic reaction is, the one that feels best to us as kind, considerate, compassionate human beings.

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We put on an invitational track meet at our school the other day.  A few hundred high school students were there to compete, from over ten schools.  Everything went pretty smoothly–a lot of young athletes had the chance to compete against each other, and there were really no negative incidents.

There was something very positive that happened, though.  As everything was winding down and the students were heading back to their buses, a few athletes from one of the schools approached our head coach.  “Thank you very much for hosting the meet,” they said to him.  “It was great.”

Out of the few hundred students, three or four of them had taken the time and made the effort to thank the main person who had been in charge of making everything run smoothly.  I couldn’t help but think as I watched it happen, “Those kids are going to go far in life.”

You see, they already know one of life’s greatest secrets–when you’re grateful, express the gratitude.  When you’re thankful, make sure that you share that thankfulness.  I can’t begin to count how many times I’ve been thankful for something but I’ve kept quiet, not telling anyone that I was thankful.  Looking back on those situations, I really wish that I had taken the time and made the effort to say thank you to someone, to express the gratitude that I felt.  I’m sure that such an expression would have made them feel better.  I know that the thanks that the high school students said to the coach meant a lot to him, and were among the most important words he heard that evening.

A sincere thank you can be one of the most powerful expressions in our lives.  It’s unfortunate that most of us keep our thanks to ourselves, only rarely expressing the thoughts of gratitude that we have.  If I can learn to be better at expressing thanks when I feel them, then I’m certain that I’ll be making my life much richer and much, much fuller.

Those kids are going to go far in life because they know something important.  When you take the time to thank someone for something that they’ve done, then the next time they have a chance to do something for you, they’re much more likely to go all out to do it the best that they possibly can.  So their considerate thanks a couple of evenings ago can help to contribute to more positive events in their lives in the future.  It’s a simple law of life–we get what we give.  And if we give thanks, we get more reasons to continue to give thanks.

Practicing gratitude will help us more fully appreciate what has been offered us.  Being grateful influences our attitude; it softens our harsh exterior and takes the threat out of most new situations.

unattributed

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I passed a hitch-hiker today on my way home.  I immediately felt an urge to stop and give him a ride, but just as quickly I remembered one of my few hard-and-fast rules in life:  don’t stop for hitchhikers.

In some ways it seems to be a contradictory rule in my life–after all, I try to focus on serving other people and doing things for others.  And I used to pick up hitchhikers and give them rides all the time.  It seemed like the right thing to do.

But then I read too many articles about people who had picked up hitchhikers who ended up being robbed or murdered.  From experience I know that being next to someone you don’t even know in a very small space can be awkward and even dangerous.  And I also started thinking about my wife and step-kids, and how it would affect them if I were to become a victim of someone to whom I gave a ride.

So I made a decision one day:  I won’t pick up hitchhikers.  It was a firm decision, and one that I’ve stuck to.  And while I have very few strict rules in my life, this one seemed to make very good sense on many levels.  I prefer to let life and its situations flow on their own and to deal with things as they come up, but I didn’t like the vulnerable situation in which I put myself when I would give someone a ride.

I think that we all need some hard and fast rules in our lives.  Not all that many, but ones that feel right in our souls, in our hearts.  Like not to cheat on a spouse, or not to abuse a child, or to pray for people who can use our prayers, or to share what we have with others.  Life is always changing, and not all rules fit all situations, but we can help ourselves by making sure that when it comes to some things we never even have to agonize over what we think we should do, for the decision already has been made.  If we’re careful about what those decisions are, then we can take away a lot of doubt and anxiety, and add a lot of certainty in situations in which certainty may be helpful.

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Everybody needs help.  Sometimes it’s hard to remind myself of this fact when I’m surrounded by people who seem to have everything together, who seem to be completely self-sufficient, who seem to need no help at all.  Other people can put on masks that make it almost impossible to know truly what they’re feeling, which makes us think sometimes that they don’t need our help.

But help doesn’t always have to be deep and intense.  It doesn’t have to be major aid.  It can be something as simple as carrying a bag of groceries, or volunteering to babysit for an evening, or even getting up to get someone else’s coffee for them.

The most important thing about being helpful is developing the habit of being helpful.  It should come as second nature to us, and be something that we don’t have to think long and hard about.

That said, though, the second most important thing about being helpful is knowing when our help would be more destructive than constructive, knowing when our help would be more about enabling than anything else.

I want to be a helpful person, but I shy away from it sometimes, convincing myself that a person doesn’t want or need my help.  I’m much better at it than I used to be, and I’m able now to offer my help much more often than I used to.  Someday, I hope that I’m able to offer my help freely without worrying whether others will accept it or not, but I’m not there yet.  I do know that as I’m able to help more people, I feel more fulfilled with my life, and I see my personal gifts being put to greater use than they ever have been before.

Ruth Smeltzer

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If I want the world of the future to include respectful, caring people, then I must treat children of today with respect and caring, being a role model to help them to grow up well.

If I want to see and hear less gossip in the world, then I must not gossip and share information that I’m unsure of that may hurt others.

If I want my days to be full of kind words and gladness, then I must share kind words and gladness with others.

If I want the young people in my life to have a stronger chance of achieving their goals and reaching their dreams, then I must encourage them and help them to build their confidence.

If I want my friends to live happier, healthier lives, then I must encourage them and be there for them when they need me with what they need, rather than trying to tell them what to do in order to be happier.

If I want the planet upon which we all must live to thrive and be healthy, then I must actively work to make it so, even if my contribution is as small as driving less and picking up some litter.

If I want to be promoted or to find better work, then I must work to improve myself by reading or otherwise learning the information and skills that will make me invaluable at any work that I choose to do.

If I want to feel peace of heart and peace of mind, then I must search out periods of time when I can be at peace in peaceful surroundings.

If I want to be healthier, then I must eat healthier, exercise regularly, and find productive ways to deal with stress in my life.

If I want strong relationships, then I must work at communicating effectively, I must stop trying to control other people’s thoughts and actions, and I must develop realistic expectations of what others can and cannot do.

If I want to be able to help others, I must love myself, I must trust myself, and I must develop the compassion necessary to recognize the needs of others.

If I want to be special, then I must recognize that I am special, and I must know that there’s no need to prove how special I am to anyone.

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It’s kind of cool how a song that came out when I was just a kid can come back to remind me of something very important so many years later.  I was listening to an old Beatles song the other day, and its message struck me very strongly as something that I’ve discovered recently for myself is very true in life:  that sometimes the best thing that we can do is “Let it be.”

“When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom:  Let it be.”

Most people aren’t at all comfortable with the idea of letting things be.  Doing so means that they have to let go of some of their control over situations, some of their idea of being able to make things happen–or prevent them from happening.  Most of us seem to have a tendency to want to deal with our troubles by fixing everything, by making everything better, but sometimes the best thing that we can do is to allow situations to resolve themselves, to allow things and situations run their course.  Often when we do this, we find that the natural resolution to times of trouble is much more positive than we ever could imagine on our own.

“And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me; shine until tomorrow, let it be.”

Our times of trouble will happen, but in every cloudy night there still is a light shining, sometimes many lights, but we close our eyes to them when we focus on our troubles.  If we are able to “let it be,” though, then our minds won’t be so strongly focused on the clouds, for we won’t be trying to make them go away.  We’ll be satisfied to let them be, knowing that they will soon pass, and then we’ll be able to keep our minds on more positive things like the lights that we otherwise wouldn’t see.

“Let it be.”  Seven beautiful letters that make three beautiful words.  Words that if we take them to heart can help us to approach life in much healthier ways, words that can help us to see the beauty and wonder of the processes of life, if we let life be and stop trying to make life what we think life should be.

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Mohandas Gandhi once said something very interesting:  “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

I think about this statement from time to time, and it resonates very strongly within me–mostly because I don’t follow the advice nearly as much as I wish I could.  Sometimes I see things that I would love to have changed, but I certainly don’t live out the example of that change.  In some things I’m pretty good at it, but by the time I die I hope to be better in many more areas.

For example, do you wish that more people were honest and straightforward in all that they do?  Then it’s up to you to be honest and straightforward in all of your dealings with others.

Do I want to see more friendliness in the world?  Then it’s up to me to be more friendly.

Do we want to experience more compassion and kindness and loving in the world?  Then guess what?  We need to live more compassionate and kind and loving lives.

Do you wish that people you worked with worked harder or better or were more focused on their tasks?  Then it’s up to you to provide the model for them–the change isn’t going to happen without someone to model it.

It’s important to keep in mind that not everything that we model will be followed by others.  If we think it will be, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment and frustration.  But if we truly want a change to come about, we have to be that change, or there’s no real use in hoping for it to come about.  If we don’t live it ourselves, we’re simply depending on others to do something without any sort of motivation or encouragement, and that happens rarely.

Be the change.  Be who you are, and be true to yourself.  These are approaches to life that can give us great rewards if we stay true to them, and if we allow ourselves to live them.

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My wife and I have just spent a few days at Death Valley.  It’s a pretty amazing place, full of things that you simply won’t find elsewhere in the world.  It’s been a truly unique experience, one that will stick with us for a very long time.

I think that what I most like about this place is the way that you can find life in some of the most unlikely circumstances.  Bushes and flowers literally grow out of rocks, getting the nutrients that they need from miniscule amounts of soil that fill the cracks of the rocks.  Lizards and snakes and insects thrive in places that seem too inhospitable for any life to exist at all, much less thrive.  Coyotes and kit foxes and kangaroo rats and rattlesnakes make lives for themselves in situations that seem to be impossible for any life to continue at all.  Even the pupfish has adapted over many years to be able to exist in salt water rather than fresh, which is really the only water they can find here.

It heartens me to see the survival in harsh conditions here, for I know that many of my fellow human beings find themselves regularly in situations that are just as harsh as the physical environment here, and that are just as hard to survive in as blistering heat and a lack of natural resources.  Life is resilient; living things are resilient, and as long as there are coyotes living here in Death Valley, there’s hope for any living thing, anywhere, not just to survive, but to thrive.  The survival against the odds of the many different creatures here makes it clear that surviving against the odds is possible for us all, no matter what our situation.  Things may look impossible, but appearances most definitely can be deceiving.  Just ask the lizards that I saw today in Mosaic Canyon, an area seemingly devoid of life except for a few plants here and there.  Somehow those lizards find the means for survival, even if those means aren’t immediately obvious or even visible.  They find water in waterless regions, and they find food in areas with no food available.

The desert is an amazing place, for almost everything that lives here does so against the odds.  So if I want to thrive, if I want to succeed at something that other people haven’t succeeded at, then I can do so against the odds, also.  All I need to do is find the means to do so, to find the means to do what seems impossible.  The means are there.  I just have to take the time to look for them, and I have to find them.  They are there already.

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I’m fascinated by the concept of abundance.  It amazes me to think of just how much abundance is available right here, right now, on this great planet that we call home.  And it distresses me to witness, time and again, human beings arguing for lack, arguing that they can’t tap into that abundance, that they’re somehow doomed to go with less their whole lives long.  Life’s abundance is here for everyone, no matter who they are or what their skin color, but for some reason we prefer to think that we’re to be doomed to suffer life’s limitations, that the abundance is for other people.  And as long as we think that, of course, guess what we’re setting ourselves up to receive?

I’m not as wealthy as many other people on this planet; in fact, no one really would call me wealthy at all.  But one thing is for sure–I’ve never had to do without many things.  I’ve always been blessed with enough food to eat and clothes to wear.  I’ve always had a roof over my head, a car to drive me places, friends to talk to, even computers to work on.  I’ve had books to read and stereos to listen to my music on.  My life has been very abundant, even if I don’t have a yacht to spend my weekends on or a million dollars in the bank.

But I see many people refuse to take an extra college course that might help them to get a raise or to find work that pays better.  I’ve seen many people hoard their money and refuse to take vacations in beautiful places that could re-energize and re-invigorate them.  I know a lot of people who spend their money on frivolous things that they don’t need at all, only to be “unable” to do things that could help them to advance in their lives.  And how many people do we all know who refuse to take risks, thus dooming themselves to continue on in jobs or in lives that are unfulfilling and unrewarding?

This life offers all of us many beautiful things and experiences.  Abundance is all around us, but we have to reach out and take it, live it, and feel it.  I don’t want to reach the day I die and regret not having experienced as much of what this life has to offer as I can, so I have to do my best today to recognize what options are there before me and do my best to make them a part of my life, a part of my experience, a part of who I am.  It’s up to me.

The abundance of God is like a mighty ocean, so vast you cannot possibly exhaust it or cause a shortage for others.  You can go to this inexhaustible ocean with only a small cup and bring away only that small cup of bounty and blessing.  Or, if you have faith enough, you can take a bucket and bring away a bucketful.  It makes no difference to the ocean.  Nor does it matter how often you go.  Abundance is always there.

Henry T. Hamblin

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