Living Life Fully’s Daily Pick-Me-Up

I’ve met a lot of very helpful people in my life.  In fact, if I were to be able to categorize some people as “jerks” (which I prefer not to do), the helpful people would outnumber the jerks by a huge margin.  It’s sometimes amazing to me to think of all the people I’ve known who spend so much time and make so much effort to help other human beings in their journeys through life. 

Personally, I hope to become a very helpful person when and if I ever grow up.  I hope to be someone who focuses on making it a priority to encourage others, to help others, to make life easier for others.  It’s not always easy to do so, though.  Sometimes I get quite caught up in my needs that I simply don’t see–or recognize–the needs of others.  In order to help others, though, I need to be aware that they have needs that need to be filled–and I have to be aware that I have the ability to fill some of those needs. 

I’m not talking about huge things.  I can’t pay off someone’s bills or make their mortgage payments for them.  I can’t get rid of their pain or their mourning.  But I can do a task for them that will free them up for something else.  I can teach them something that will be beneficial for them to know (as long as they’re open to learning something from me!).  I can encourage them or compliment them.  I can show an interest in who they are and what they do.  I can buy them a small gift like a candy bar for no reason other than just to give them something as a small token of how glad I am that they’re in my life. 

Helpful people are great teachers for me.  They show me what it means to be human, to be unselfish, to allow ourselves to be a part of the larger whole, rather than a lone individual who exists apart from everyone else.  I appreciate their lessons, and I hope to live up to them! 

The human being who lives only for him or herself finally reaps nothing but unhappiness.  Selfishness corrodes.  Unselfishness ennobles, satisfies.  Don’t put off the joy derivable from doing helpful, kindly things for others. 

B.C. Forbes 

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It seems that unless we force them to happen in our lives, we very rarely have opportunities to experience peace.  Days and weeks of peaceful existence seem to be something reserved for monks and people who can afford to take time in places where the hustle and bustle of everyday experiences doesn’t follow them.  How many of us would love to spend a week on a beach or in a mountain getaway, with no responsibilities other than eating and sleeping and bathing now and then?  Unfortunately, those times aren’t in the day-to-day agenda for most people.

But one of the most important things that I’ve learned in the last few years is the skill of carving out peaceful times from my busy day.  When I try to do so, I can almost always find five- or ten-minute blocks of time that I take for myself, not doing anything in particular except maybe reading something relaxing.  I can find the time to say a simple prayer or two, to pay attention to my breathing and slow down my mind, to think kind and helpful thoughts about other people in my life.  Sometimes I do it during lunch time–I can eat and then spend time relaxing.  Sometimes I find a natural break in the rhythm of the day, when I can simply disappear for a few minutes to recharge my mind and spirit and body.

The most important thing that I’ve learned, though, is that I have to make these times happen.  I have to consciously push something else out of the way in order to experience the peace.  I have to consciously search out a place where I can feel peaceful.  I have to remind myself that such times are necessary.  Some days I get so caught up in things that I don’t make the effort to give myself the gift of these times, and on those days I don’t feel as strong as I ought to; on those days I’m not able to give to others nearly as much of myself.

We can find those times–we can make those times.  There are moments in all of our days when we can turn our backs on what’s going on in order to connect with ourselves, with our God, with our spirit, and allow ourselves to experience the peace that was meant to be ours.  Too often, we spend our time turning our backs on peace, when peace should be the last thing that we avoid or neglect.

Peace is present right here and now, in ourselves and in everything we do and see.  The question is whether or not we are in touch with it.  We don’t have to travel far away to enjoy the blue sky.  We don’t have to leave our city or even our neighborhood to enjoy the eyes of a beautiful child.  Even the air we breathe can be a source of joy.

Thich Nhat Hanh

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I talked to a high school basketball player today; her team lost their final game last week, and she feels responsible for the loss because she fouled out late in the game.  She’s taken the entire burden on herself, even though her team lost by just two points in a very close game.  As I listened to her talk, I couldn’t help but feel dismay that she’s taken so much on herself, that she blames herself for something that simply has to be considered as a team loss.  When basketball teams are on the court, they’re just that–teams.  While some inidividuals excel, and some even carry their teams to a large extent, any result of any game has to be considered a team effort.

Why is it that in our culture we’re so used to taking the blame for so many things?  Why and how can we be so hard on ourselves when we feel we’ve let other people down, even when those other people often are partly responsible for the way things have turned out?  And saying that they’re “responsible” isn’t placing blame at all–it’s simply stating a fact.  When a team is out on the court, any outcome is the result of a team effort.  And while one person may blow a coverage and allow a last-second three-point shot to make the team lose 83-82, it’s important to keep in mind that the whole team let the other team score the other 80 points–it isn’t a question of just who gave up the last shot.

So are you being hard on yourself?  Are you taking the weight of the world on your shoulders?  Well, please remember that you don’t deserve that burden.  Perhaps you’ve made a mistake or three–welcome to the human race!  Give yourself a break today, and please keep in mind that no matter what mistakes you might have made, you’re still a marvelous creation of a marvelous creator, and you weren’t made to be brought down by yourself, or by anyone else.  Stand tall, smile, and move forward.  Your one mistake might have allowed the other team to score three points, but not the whole 83!  And life goes on. . . .

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There are many people in this world who allow me to be myself.  Many of those people even encourage me to be myself, and I’m very grateful for them.  They keep me feeling good about myself, and their acceptance of who I am is very special to me.  There are others who want me to be someone other than myself–they’re the ones who expect me to act in certain ways, who expect me to react in certain ways, who want me to correspond to their ideas of who and what I should be.  While I’m not too fond of their expectations for me, I try not to let that diminish my positive feelings for them–they really don’t know what they do, for they’ve simply bought into a set of rules and expectations that have been perpetuated for years, the origins of which have been lost with time.

But I truly want to be myself.  I want to be honest to myself, with myself, and for myself.  I want to honor my wants and desires and needs, and I want to use my gifts, and to share those gifts with others.  And not only do I want to be myself, but I want to become the best version of myself that I can be–the most helpful, most honest, most encouraging self that I can create out of this wonderful self that I am.

And I don’t use the word “wonderful” lightly.  I am full of wonder–my brain works well, my body works well, my instincts work well, and all are wonders, marvels to behold and to experience.  What wonderful selves we are!  But how often do you honestly stop and admire the marvel that you are, the wonderful set of thoughts and creations and experiences that you bring to the table, wherever you are?  Do you give yourself credit for the richness that you bring with you, for the amazing being that you are?

I hope to learn to be truly myself.  There are still some obstacles in my way, mostly in the form of fears that I’ve been dealing with for years.  But each day I get closer, each day I learn more, each day I see more of the marvel that I am.  And if I were with you right now, I’d be able to see the amazing wonder that you are.  But the question is, do you recognize that same fact?  Do you see and appreciate in yourself that same things that I see and appreciate in you?

I’m working at being myself, and I truly hope–for the sake of many, many people–that you’re working at being yourself, too!  I thank you for your effort!

Once you discover your own true self
you can find your place in everything.

Stephen C. Paul

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Sometimes it’s easy for me to start thinking about negative things–things that other people have done, things that have happened to me, stuff that’s going on in my life that’s hard to deal with.  And when I do start thinking of those negative things, I realize that my mood goes sour very quickly.  It’s like some sort of faucet has been turned on that’s filling my mind with all sorts of poison, making me feel worse and causing me to see the dark sides of virtually everything around me.  I see other people’s motivation as very negative, and I see myself as a victim, and I sometimes even see that other people are planning and plotting against me, even though no such plots or plans exist.

It’s all due to my choice to continue focusing on the negative.  I don’t have to do so, and in fact I’ve spent tons of time creating a website full of positive thoughts and ideas that I can use to focus on when my mind does start going negative.  When I make the choice to shift my thoughts to the positive and uplifting, then it always happens that I start feeling better, that I start seeing the brighter sides of things, that I start to be able to be more encouraging and helpful to other people.

I realize now that much of the depression and many of the negative times that I went through were caused by my own decision to continue to focus on the negative.  Rather than take the time and make the effort to pull myself out of down times, it was easier for me to accept them and pity myself because of them.  But I don’t do that any more–nowadays I catch myself as soon as I can, and I choose to shift my thinking to positive things in my life.  With practice I’ve come to realize that there are tons of positive things in my life.  Yes, there are some negatives, but when I choose not to give them power, I choose to improve my life and the way that I’m living.

Just as it is with most things in life, my tendency to focus on negative things was a result of decisions on my part, decisions that certainly never helped me to become happier as a human being.  Now I make the choice to see the positive sides of life, and that decision, made over and over again, helps me much to become happier and to live my life more fully.

There are an infinite number of things you could spend your time thinking about, but many of us concentrate great attention on those things that we find most upsetting.  Don’t ignore what bothers you, but don’t focus on it to the exclusion of the things you enjoy.

David Niven

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Sometimes I like to stop and look at people–really look–and remind myself that everyone on this planet is very similar to me.  They have hopes and dreams and desires and fears and quirks.  They go through life doing what they believe to be best, and they try very hard to make life better for themselves, no matter what their circumstances.  They have spirits, and God looks at them–and feels them, and appreciates them, and loves them–in exactly the same way that God feels and loves and appreciates me.  They’re searching and yearning for connections, they’re making decisions that they believe will make their lives more meaningful and richer.

It’s important for me to stop like this as often as I can, for if I don’t it’s very easy for me to forget the way that other people are.  It’s very easy for me to forget that I’m not alone.  It’s very easy for me to judge other people’s actions harshly.  It’s very easy for me to neglect their needs and wants, and it’s easy to feel isolated on this planet, as if I were the only person around who’s trying to make my life better, trying to connect with a higher power and other human beings.  And I don’t want to forget these things, for I know that one of the gifts that I can give to this world is to help and encourage other people who are on their own journeys.  I can give encouragement and advice (when wanted!), I can serve as a role model and I can serve as a sounding board when people need to share their fears and needs.

If I just glance at other people and don’t consider who they are on a deeper level, then what can I give to them that will help them to live more deeply and richly?  If I don’t truly see them for what they are, then how can I ever feel the connections that are inherent in the human condition–connections that we tend not to see or feel when we’re going through life too quickly, too busy to notice the traits that we share, the traits that make us sisters and brothers, spiritual beings going through a physical experience?

Today, I’m going to make an effort to stop, to look more deeply, and to truly see the other people who are sharing my world with me.  If I can do this, then I believe that my life, too, will be much richer and much more fulfilling.

It is the individual who is not interested in his or her fellow people who has the greatest difficulties in life and and provides the greatest injury to others.  It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.

Alfred Adler

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As a teacher, I’m sometimes astonished to see just how many students make so much effort to avoid doing just a little bit of work.  I can give very simple assignments and have half of my high-school students simply not do it–and they don’t seem to care at all that their grades are affected strongly by their lack of work.  While I’ve had other problems and issues in my life, this hasn’t been one of them–a little bit of work never has been a problem for me, and I’m usually more than willing to do my share of the work, especially when I see that I’m doing it for my benefit.

Perhaps my students simply don’t see the benefit of doing the work.  Perhaps they don’t understand how doing the work can make their lives easier or richer or more interesting.  And try as I might to tell them the benefits, they simply choose not to believe my words, believing instead that avoiding work is more beneficial to them than actually doing it.  After all, it does free up an extra half-hour or hour today, doesn’t it?  And they can spend that half-hour texting friends or playing video games or talking on the phone or watching TV.

But realizing that a little bit of work almost always has advantages for us is one of the keys to life–one of the keys to helping ourselves to make a difference in our own lives.  That work can prepare us for something important in the future, it can help us to understand something perplexing us in our present, or it can earn us a bit of money or a decent grade.  That work can enrich us in ways that we can’t even imagine–if we never do it.

Sometimes when I see a task ahead of me I balk at first, not wanting to commit myself to getting it done.  For I know that once I commit myself, I’m into the task for good.  But experience tells me that even with the somewhat unpleasant tasks, it’s much better to get it done and to move on to something else than it is to delay or to avoid doing it.  There are almost always repercussions and consequences to delaying and avoiding, and there are almost always rewards and benefits to getting the job done, and getting it done right and well.

Don’t be afraid of a little bit of work.  It’s all of those little bits added up to a whole that make our lives what they are, which means that what we are is a result of decisions we have made.  And what we will be shall be a result of decisions that we will make one day.  When there are tasks ahead of us, that means that there are also decisions involved.  And what will your decisions be?

I studied the lives of great men and women, and I found that the people who got to the top were those who did the jobs they had in hand, with everything they had of energy and enthusiasm and hard work.

Harry S. Truman

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I’m a pretty typical person, I think, in that I’m my own harshest judge.  Whenever I do something that I don’t think is right, I’m the person who takes me to task the hardest.  I’m the one who’s close to unforgiving, the one who makes me remember things that other people would forget pretty quickly.  If I forget someone’s name, I get mad at myself.  If I do something that hurts someone else, I feel awful about it.  I hold on to things for much longer than I should, which obviously isn’t the greatest thing in the world for me to do.

But I am getting better at forgiving myself.  I am getting better at realizing that I, too, deserve my own compassion and understanding.  I, too, deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt.  I, too, deserve to be shown mercy for simple mistakes.

I used to be really bad at it–I used to almost never forgive myself.  But as I grow older I realize more and more that not forgiving myself is a form of self-abuse, and that I most definitely suffered because of my refusal to show myself mercy.  I agonized over things that didn’t really deserve a second thought, I punished myself mentally and emotionally when I could have been doing productive things with my mental and emotional capacities, and I kept myself feeling miserable when I could have been focused on helping other people to feel better.

I don’t wish to do that any more, so I promise to forgive myself more readily, and move on from my mistakes rather than foolishly and selfishly holding on to them.  If I benefit from this shift in my behavior, I can be sure that other people will benefit from it, also.

“As we learn to accept our character flaws and broken moments, and as we learn to forgive ourselves for the times that we fail and fall short in life, we grow in our capacity to accept and forgive others.”

Gary Egeberg

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