Living Life Fully’s Daily Pick-Me-Up

Today I’m going to borrow someone else’s thoughts for the weblog–thoughts from many years ago, the types of thoughts that time does not make irrelevant.  This is called “A Prayer,” and it’s by Max Ehrmann:

Let me do my work each day; and if the darkened hours of despair overcome me, may I not forget the strength that comforted me in the desolation of other times.

May I still remember the bright hours that found me walking over the silent hills of my childhood, or dreaming on the margin of the quiet river, when a light glowed within me, and I promised my early God to have courage among the tempests of the changing years.  Spare me from bitterness and from the sharp passions of unguarded moments.  May I not forget that poverty and riches are of the spirit.  Though the world know me not, may my thoughts and actions be such as shall keep me friendly with myself.

Lift my eyes from the earth, and let me not forget the uses of the stars.  Forbid that I should judge others lest I condemn myself.  Let me not follow the clamor of the world, but walk calmly in my path.

Give me a few friends who will love me for what I am; and keep ever burning before my vagrant steps the kindly light of hope.  And though age and infirmity overtake me, and I come not within sight of the castle of my dreams, teach me still to be thankful for life, and for time’s olden memories that are good and sweet; and may the evening’s twilight find me gentle still.

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I’m surrounded by really cool people.  I meet people all the time who are kind, considerate, caring, and enjoyable company.  I meet people who try hard to do their best as much as they can.  They make mistakes, of course, but don’t all of us?  I meet people who are incredibly talented, who have artwork and writings and scrapbooks and music that they’ve created that just blow me away when I see them.  There are tons of people who volunteer tons of time and ask for nothing in return, and people who give away lots of money to great causes and who don’t expect anything from anyone because of it.

There are people who let other people in their cars merge in front of them rather than cutting them off, and people who allow other people to get in line in front of them, even if they may be in a bit of a hurry.  I see people all the time who share kind words and encouragement, who take the time to help little kids with a project or a problem.  I see people donate clothes or goods to charitable organizations, and I see people cook dinners for families that may be going through medical crises or other kinds of problems.

I know people who give up their time to coach kids’ teams, not worrying a bit that they don’t get paid for it.  I know of other people who visit seniors just to keep them company, and others who work with patients in hospitals or specially challenged people in a variety of settings.

I guess my question is this:  with all these wonderful people out there doing marvelous things, just why is so much of the focus of our media and our conversations and our thoughts on the people who do the bad things?  The murderers and the criminals and the people who hurt and discourage us are outnumbered by a huge margin, yet so much of our focus in our culture is on them. . . . and why?  This tendency doesn’t help us at all, does it?

Personally, I want to keep my focus on the good people, and all that they do.  When I watch the good people do good things, it inspires me greatly.  And that inspiration keeps my life brighter and lighter than it would be otherwise.  So to all you people who do such kind things and who inspire me so much. . . . Thanks!  I appreciate all that you give to the world and to me!

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Today’s here once more.  It’s not the same today that we got to know so well yesterday, and it’s definitely not the same one that we went through the day before yesterday, but it is a new day that brings us lots of challenge and opportunity, just as those other two days did–just as every day of our lives has done so far.  What we get out of this new day is up to us, of course, and how we see this new day also is up to us.

Our perspective will determine most of our day.  The way we see the world, our lives, and the situations we’re going to face will go a long way towards determining just how this day turns out.  Will we approach it in a spiritual way, looking to develop our spirits and let them shine out so that others can take comfort in the peace that we show?  Or will we let ego take over, doing all that we do for our own self-advancement, our own gratification?  And do we see this day as a precious gift full of wonderful opportunities for working, playing, encouraging, and deepening relationships, or is this day to us an exercise in drudgery, full of obstacles and problems?

I’m glad that you got the gift of this day, too, for that means that we’re sharing this beautiful planet of ours once more.  And I hope that wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, you’re spreading peace and hope and love and any other positive things that you can.  When enough of us start doing that on a regular basis, then our days will start growing even more positive and joy-filled than we ever might have imagined.

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I bought a book once because it had in it the following line:  “The cemeteries are full of people who believed they were indispensable.”  I like this not-so-subtle reminder that we tend to take things just a bit too seriously, and we tend to think that we have to be doing everything all the time or it will never get done.  The fact is, though, that if I die today, life will go on and the tasks that I haven’t completed yet will be completed by someone else.  There will be a substitute teacher in my classes on Monday, and everyone will get by just fine.

I like keeping this in mind because it keeps me from falling into the trap of thinking that I’m responsible for everything that I touch in my life.  The fact is, though, that I’m really not responsible for all that much, and any responsibility that I have in life is responsibility that I’ve decided to have.  Too often I think that if someone else is unhappy, it’s up to me to cheer them up, or if someone else is having problems, it’s up to me to solve them.  But the simple fact is that I can be much more helpful by encouraging them to deal with their problems themselves, for when I do that I’m helping to empower them.  Sometimes I want to solve their problems for them, though, for it gives me that “indispensable” feeling.  But in all honesty, that’s not a feeling that’s healthy–or realistic–for me to feel.

One day my body will be in a cemetery.  And when the day of my death comes around, I hope that I’m going to go with the realization that life will go on just fine without me, but I also hope that I’ll be quite glad to have contributed all that I could while I was here.

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There has been a disturbing trend in our view of education over the past few years, one that was propelled into dominance by a particular group of people, and that’s the trend of high-stakes standardized testing.  It seems that people who really have no knowledge at all of what education is all about or how people learn want to see quantifiable results of our educational system–they seem to see education as a “product” that can be measured, like a pound of sugar or ten feet of pipe.  But the simple fact is that education is not a product, but a process, and subjecting young people to standardized testing puts them in a very unfair position that’s often difficult for them to get through.

The chances are that you’ve been there yourself.  Most of us have taken standardized tests at one time or another in our lives.  The problem with these tests is that they don’t really measure knowledge or ability–rather, they test memorization skills and our test-taking abilities.  Anyone who suffers from test anxiety or whose memory isn’t as strong as another person’s is at a huge disadvantage when it comes to these tests.  My hope is that one day the tests go the way of the dinosaur, disappearing from the planet.

That’s my hope.  But my point is different.  We all are judged all through our lives on criteria that are established by other people, and much of who we are is a result of trying to meet those criteria.  Very rarely are we judged on what truly comes from inside of us–what are truly unique creations of the beings that we are.  Very often we are judged on what other people think we should be, as students, workers, spouses, parents, or any of the other roles that we play in our lives.

And the tragedy is that we allow ourselves to be judged by these outside standards, and we accept such judgments as the truth.

I do not run my classrooms in the same ways that other teachers do.  Some of those other teachers would definitely say that my classes don’t have enough “discipline” in them, and they’d do their best to change what I do if they were to be in one of my classes.  But my major concern in my classes is to treat my students with respect and dignity–and I honestly don’t feel that I can do that if I’m trying to control their behavior every moment of every class.  My students do learn, but I try to see their learning in things other than tests and papers.

The most important thing to me, though, is that I’ve found the confidence and knowledge to reject certain paradigms about classroom management and to trust my own instincts about how I should run my classes and treat my students.  And it truly doesn’t bother me if anyone criticizes my approach–it’s a result of a combination of who I am, what I’ve learned in my degree work, and what my experience tells me is effective and ineffective.

Who are you?  What works for you in what you do?  Are you willing to stand up for what you do and how you do it?  Are you willing to accept yourself for exactly who you are–and celebrate your uniqueness, being proud of who you are and what you do?  When you reach the point of being accepting of yourself and your gifts, you’ll definitely find life to be a much more exciting and joyful place for you, as you create beautiful expressions of who you are in all that you do.

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Willa Cather is one of my favorite novelists, mostly because of the caring that she shows for all of her characters.  She said once, “The end is nothing; the road is all,” words that make me stop and think every time I hear them.  After all, they seem to go contrary to what most of us believe in life–that we’re here to reach some sort of destination, to make it to some sort of final goal on this planet in our lifetimes.  But really, nothing could be further from the truth, we can see if we think about it for a while.

Every life always is a work in progress, and it should be until the day we die.  After all, when have we finished learning?  When do we ever stop growing and changing?  When has a person ever finished everything they ever wanted to accomplish on the day that they died?  It simply doesn’t happen–there’s always still something that we could be adding to the world and to our lives at any given moment, and we also could die at any given moment.

If we spend all of our time and effort focused on the end of a journey, then just what do we give to the journey itself?  If we’re always looking ahead in anticipation, then when are we looking around in appreciation and wonder?  If we’re always thinking about how things are going to be, just when can we love the way things are?

In Zen and Buddhist teachings, there’s a strong focus on going with the flow, and of letting that flow carry us where it will.  In many other cultures, people focus on determining where they want to go or be, and then forcing the flow to bend to their will and take them where they think they want to be.  This latter perspective shows little trust in life or God or whatever we perceive to be an ultimate source of power, and it assumes that the human brain is capable of figuring out just what will be the best for each person on the planet.  Most of us, though, if we think about how often we’ve been wrong in life, would realize that our brains simply don’t have the ability to know what’s best.  They’re extremely amazing tools, obviously, but they’re parts of our bodies that we’re only using temporarily, so they do have many limitations.

I want to keep my focus on the journey.  I want to look around and love and appreciate and do my best to take good care of myself all the time.  I want to give my all to the journey not in an effort to make it to an end, but in an effort to make the journeys of other people a little more pleasant or a little easier, and effort to make the most of the gifts that I’ve been given every day of my life, rather than focusing on the possible rewards of an uncertain future.

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I’m doing a lot of studying these days for a class that I’m teaching.  The class is about literature from the American West, predominantly from the 19th century.  It’s impossible to study such literature, of course, without being exposed to the incredible dynamics that occurred between the pioneers and the Native Americans, so much of which was fraught with conflict and killing.  What’s hitting me the hardest is the reality that the pioneers and the immigrants who came to the west did so by choice–they chose to move and to explore and to take risks.  On the other hand, the Native Americans were forced to react to this onslaught of new people without having any choice at all in the matter–they came, and the Natives were forced to deal with the situation.

I’ve been put in situations in which I’ve had no choice myself, and I’ve never liked it.  I’ve felt powerless, weak, abused, and many other negative feelings at such times.  The fact is that we always prefer to do things by choice rather than to be forced to do things in certain ways, at certain times, for certain reasons that may not coincide with our own desires or ethics or moral principles.  And as I read and see more about the dynamics in America during the 19th century, I grow to have much more sympathy for the situations in which the Natives found themselves.  And with that sympathy comes also a great sense of appreciation for the fact that in my life now, almost all that I do is a result of my personal choice.

Do we truly appreciate our ability to make choices every day?  Do we truly appreciate the fact that most of us are not told what to do with our lives, that we have the ability to shape our own present and future through the choices that we make each day–even each hour and each minute?  I think that it’s far too easy to take this gift for granted, to be honest, and that most of us don’t really have a strong sense of appreciation for this aspect of our lives.

But we don’t have to continue taking it for granted, do we?  We can sit down and think about the blessing of being able to choose, the blessing of being able to create our own destinies.  Throughout history, many millions of people have had other people take away their power to choose for themselves, and that’s something that we simply don’t have to face if we don’t want to.  My boss may want to force me to do some sort of work I don’t wish to do, but then I have the choice to quit, don’t I?

As I read more and more about people who have had their ability to choose ripped away from them without courtesy or dignity, I grow more and more appreciative of my gift, and I feel a much greater responsibility to make sure that my choices serve others, and not just myself.  Choice is truly a blessing, and truly a wonderful gift, but it’s a gift that means little if I neither exercise it nor appreciate it.

The greatest power God gave us is the power to choose.  We have the opportunity to choose whether we’re going to act or procrastinate, believe or doubt, pray or curse, help or heal.  We also choose whether we’re going to be happy or whether we’re going to be sad.

Lou Holtz

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My wife and I went for a hike in the desert today, far away from other people, among cacti and bushes and lots of animals that we couldn’t see because they were hibernating for the winter or sleeping for the day.  It was a cool day, but sunny and bright.  The air was fresh, the plant life was beautiful, the sky was amazing, the breeze was fresh and invigorating, and the silence was restful and soothing.  And as I sit here at the computer and think about the day we had, I can’t help but think that I don’t go out in nature nearly enough.  I get caught up in work and other tasks so that I tend to stay at home most of the time, getting things “done,” rather than spending time out in the natural world that we were given as one of our greatest blessings–but a blessing that we tend to neglect.

I don’t think that a long entry would do much today.  I felt incredible out there in the desert, and the memories of this day I will carry with me for a very long time.  In fact, many of my most cherished memories are of times that I spent in nature, times that I’ve spent in fresh air with the smell of plants and the sounds of birds all around me.  And if I’m completely honest with myself, I’ll admit that I need to take the time and make the effort to have such experiences much more often.  This planet and all that it has for us is an incredible gift, and I don’t feel right neglecting that gift.  And when I do spend time in nature, it’s rejuvenating and energizing, and it helps me to regain a healthy perspective on my life and my duties in life.

What parts of the natural world are your favorites?  Where can you experience those parts?  I would encourage you to seek out those experiences as much as you can, for as you take better care of yourself, you’ll find that you’re able to take much better care of those who need you, too.  The natural world is out there, and it’s waiting for us.  But we have to make the effort to seek it out and make it a part of who we are.  When we do, we’ll find the effort well worth everything we put into it.

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings.  Nature’s peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees.  The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop away from you like the leaves of Autumn.

John Muir

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I find it pretty interesting to see just how invested our cultures are in teaching us to be independent and self-sufficient, while the reality of the situation of our lives is that we are interdependent creatures.  We all have connections with each other, but in our quest for complete independence we neglect those connections in favor of development of self.  And while I don’t see a problem with developing ourselves–in fact, it’s one of the most important things we can do–I think we create great problems when we develop ourselves while neglecting to develop our connections with others.

Is it possible to overvalue our independence?  I think it is.  In the United States, for example, this tendency seems to have developed during our Pilgrim and pioneer days, when self-sufficiency often was the only way that one could survive.  In this day and age, though, that particular dynamic definitely is out-dated–as far as our needs are concerned, all of our basic needs are within our reach simply and easily.  Still, though, we seem to fear acknowledging our needs for other people and our connections to them.  We hold back from allowing those connections to strengthen out of some sort of fear that we’ll lose our independence and be “stuck” with other people.

But are we really stuck with them, or are we given the gift of their company and their love?  If we let go of ourselves and our perceived needs in favor of giving our all to our community–however we define it–are we sacrificing our independence and our individuality and our self-sufficiency, or are we gaining a strength that we simply can’t imagine, the strength that comes from experiencing and celebrating our connections with other creations of our Creator, other children of God–whatever you perceive him to be–who are sharing this wonder of life on this wonderful planet of ours?

If we can simply acknowledge that our lives will become richer as we establish, maintain, and develop our relationships with other human beings, we can set ourselves free from the curses of loneliness, isolation, and the feeling of not belonging.  If we can celebrate our connections with others then we can see the beauty and wonder of our lives, we can experience the joys of helping and being helped, and we can live as parts of a much greater whole.

It does take some sacrifice, such as giving up the need to do everything ourselves.  That doesn’t mean, though, that we’ll lose the feeling of having done a job well or the feeling of accomplishment that can come just as well from having shared a job and done it well with someone else.  We would have to sublimate our egos as we develop a sense of community–after all, the ego’s main job is to tell us that we’re alone in the world and separate from everyone else.

But God didn’t make just one person–God made us all.  And given that fact, how can we possibly think that living our lives separate and isolated from our fellow human beings is the right way to go?  As life goes on and I learn more, I see more and more that it’s about togetherness, compassion, love, and many other things that all imply the presence of someone else.  Yes, personal development is important, but isn’t it most important in the context of how we use it to help others?  I hope that when all is said and done, my life is about contributing to others rather than developing myself while keeping others out of my life.  I hope that yours is, too, for I know that if it is, your life will be rewarding and fulfilling.

We cannot live only for ourselves.  A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men and women; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects.

Herman Melville

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I used to think that peace was something that other people felt, people who were more enlightened than I, people who understood more about life than I, people who were more able to control their own thoughts and actions better than I.  I used to be mistaken, I’ve found–peace is anything but unattainable for most of us, and it’s usually the result of making a series of decisions and having the gumption to stick with those decisions.

First of all, peace results from a decision to be at peace.  Stress overwhelms us when we let it do so–it never really is unavoidable or inevitable.  Yes, there are things beyond our control that stress us out, but don’t we choose to let them stress us out?  If my spouse is being overbearing and damaging our relationship, then I choose to let that behavior be stressful to me.  I do have other options–talking over the situation, seeking counseling, trying to understand the sources of the problem, even leaving the marriage.  And while not all options may look attractive or appropriate to me, they are there.  So I can choose to be at peace, knowing that the current situation isn’t the only one available to me.

I had a moment of epiphany once.  I was working at a job that I found incredibly stressful when one weekend I went to the mountains with some friends (this was in Germany, and the mountains happened to be the Alps).  I tried skiing and got hurt, so the next day I was just hanging around during an absolutely beautiful snowfall–huge flakes that came down softly and completely filled the sky with their wonder.  As I watched the graceful fall of the flakes, it suddenly hit me, almost out of nowhere, “Wow–I can leave my job any time I want.  I don’t need it to survive, or to be alive.”  And from that point on my job didn’t bother me any more.  Whenever something stressful happened, I’d ask myself, “Is this worth leaving over?”  And the answer was always no.  So I stayed on the job and enjoyed myself, knowing that if things ever got too bad, I would just find something else.  I was at peace, even at a formerly stressful job.

Peace to me also is a result of the decision to let go–to let go of expectations, fears, worries, desires to control others or outcomes, envy, jealousy–any of those things in our life that when we hold on to them, they make us kind of miserable.  It takes practice to let go of things, but when I do so, I feel a strong sense of peace inside.  And I love that feeling.

If I could give any gift in the world to anyone, I always would choose peace–peace of mind and peace of heart.  But I know that I can’t bring peace to you–it’s your own decision to be at peace, and I wish you the clarity of mind to be able to make the decisions that bring peace into your life and take it with you wherever you go, all the time.

Etty Hillesum

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