Living Life Fully’s Daily Pick-Me-Up

I just went to a memorial service for a student from our school who passed away last week.  He was an 18-year-old senior who seemed to have learned an awful lot about life in his short time on this planet.  Cancer took him away, but he left a legacy of cheerfulness, encouragement, and love among all of the people who knew him.  Speaker after speaker remembered the way that he cared, the way that he loved, and the way that he was able to have a tremendous amount of fun with anything he did.  It really is rare to know of someone so young who truly was living his life fully, especially since doing so means treating our fellow human beings with dignity, love, and respect.  It usually takes us a bit longer than 18 years to learn such lessons in our lives.

It got me to thinking once more how I’ll be remembered.  Will people have pleasant thoughts of me and remember me in positive ways?  Or will they be indifferent?  I certainly hope that they won’t be glad, though when you’re teaching high school it’s probably inevitable that someone, somewhere holds something against you. . . .  I know, though, that if I want a memorial service that resembles this student’s, then I have to make decisions and take actions today that will make positive impacts on other people’s lives.  They don’t have to be major things, just simple things such as encouraging, complimenting, and loving.

But even more, it means living by example.  If I tell people they should have fun in life, do I have fun?  If I tell people that smiling and laughing are important, do I smile and laugh?  Do I make the time for things like hikes in the woods and runs through the desert?  Do I enjoy myself and partake regularly in fun things that I love to do?

If I don’t do these things, then there’s really very little chance that I’ll be remembered as someone who loved life.  I might be remembered as someone who talked about loving life, but did I really live it as if I loved it?

This is a question that I need to start asking myself all the time.  And then I need to take action depending on what my response is.  A life half-lived, after all, is really no life at all, is it?

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My step-daughter was just in a serious accident that totaled her car–a semi came into her lane and pushed her car off the road after a few spins, and she ended up in a ditch in the median of the Interstate.  Miraculously, she was unharmed except for some bumps and bruises and soreness.  I started thinking of just how much we take for granted so many of the things that have been improved so much over the years, such as our cars, and how much we take for granted the people who design them to make them safer than they used to be.

I feel pretty confident when I get in my car that I’m quite safe, even if I happen to get into a collision.  I don’t fool myself into thinking that I’m immortal or that I can’t get hurt, but I do know that the people in the automobile industry have worked very hard to make their cars as safe as they can–after all, it’s good business for them to do so.  But that fact aside, it’s also very nice to know that there are people out there who spend their time thinking about my safety.  When I get on a plane, there are many safety devices that may end up saving my life.  When I’m in a building there are sprinkler systems in case of fire, as well as emergency exits.

The fact is that the world is a much safer place than it used to be.  Yes, there are still accidents and fatalities and such, but they happen less frequently than they used to, while accidents without fatalities or serious injuries make up a higher percentage of all accidents than they used to.  Personally, I’m very thankful for the safer world, though I usually take it for granted.

So here’s a quick thanks to those people who make this world safer for all of us–I may be just one person, but I am grateful for your efforts.  And if more of us keep their efforts in mind, then all of us–those who make the world safer and those who are safer for their efforts–will be richer for the gratitude that will result from our awareness.

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There are many things in life that contribute to the greater good that don’t cost us a single cent to buy, and that take almost no effort at all to share with others.  These things are free and easy, yet somehow we neglect them, and we utilize them much, much less than our potential would suggest we could or should.  What are these things that are free and easy?

Encouragement.  It’s so easy to share an encouraging word with someone, and the encouragement could go a long way to giving someone else the added energy, incentive, and motivation to continue with something that’s important in his or her life.  Why don’t we encourage more?  I’m not sure, but it’s a shame that we don’t.

Compliments.  These don’t cost us anything at all, either, but some people dish them out so conservatively that you’d think they cost a zillion dollars each.  I don’t have any idea why we don’t hear compliments all day, every day, but I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that we simply don’t think of how important they are for other people to hear.

Love.  Love is great–the more you give out, the more you have.  You never can lose it, and it won’t diminish by being shared.  Unconditional love is the best, of course, for when we share unconditional love it’s never diminished by our disappointment in the way it’s returned to us–or not returned at all.

Peace.  How do we share peace?  By being peaceful.  By not losing our cool when someone does something we don’t like, or when we lose something important to us.  By not spreading gossip or rumors when the chance arises.  By simply being.  Others pick up on our peace just as a radio picks up radio signals and converts them into sound, and our peaceful presence can contribute immeasurable calmness into stressful situations in which we find ourselves.

Hope.  Hope for the present, hope for the future.  Hope for the fulfillment of potential, hope for positive outcomes.  Hope for me, and hope for you.  Hope for better things and situations.  We share hope by being hopeful, and in sharing it we give a very important part of ourselves, all for free, and all very easily.

Free and easy–there are many more things that fall into this category.  And do you know what they are?  And once you think of them, can you turn them into a part of your life by sharing them with others, at absolutely no cost to yourself?

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In all of the talk about being completely present in the moment of “right now,” I sometimes think that we lose a bit of perspective concerning the future.  No, it’s not healthy or productive to focus entirely on the future, but it can be very important to make informed decisions about the present moment by thinking about what’s coming up in the future.

This principle was demonstrated very clearly this past weekend when I attended the state track meet with our high school team.  Having worked with the team for several months, I was very aware of who had been working hard for those months and who had been working less hard.  At the meet, it was very clear who had been doing what–and there were some very sad young people who had had talent enough to make it to state, but who had made decision after decision during the season not to try to improve their abilities through hard work.  In their series of present-moment decisions, they had decided to talk to friends, to spend time texting, even to skip practice to do other things, while others were making the decisions to work hard in order to try to improve.

In the right now, it can be tempting to put something off in order to “make the most of this moment.”  Sometimes, though, making the most of this particular moment can involve preparing for future moments–and that could mean that we decide now to work hard, or even to do something that we find unpleasant, simply to avoid making future moments completely miserable.  This isn’t at all a sacrifice of the present moment, but a productive use of it with an eye towards the future.

Living in the moment doesn’t always mean having the most fun possible or doing only things that we like to do.  It means being aware of our lives and our surroundings–and even our future–and doing what it takes to make sure that all these things work together well.

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I’m sitting in the restaurant area of a hotel right now, listening to a television program and its accompanying commercials.  It’s a very frustrating experience–it’s some sort of morning news program on which the people are speaking very loudly at each other–not to each other–and seemingly looking for conflict no matter what they say.  The commercials are borderline fraudulent:  “For only $9.99.  But wait!  If you order now we’ll double your order!”  I’ve listened to people calling all Democrats stupid, and others insult all Republicans for their lack of ethics.

Hearing all this makes me even more glad that we don’t have television in our home.  We have a television set, but it’s hooked up to a DVD player so that we can choose what we want to watch, when we want to watch it.  I have to wonder how people feel after watching an entire hour of this type of conflict, this type of hype, these types of meanness–especially if watching such programs is a regular part of their days.  Whenever I’m reminded of the types of rudeness and the lack of respect that people show each other in our media, it surprises me less that I see such behavior out on the street every day.  After all, what goes in must come out, right?

In many ways, we’re working our way more and more towards becoming a culture of conflict.  Our media are focusing on conflict more and more as it becomes more and more profitable for them.  The key words in programmers’ vocabularies seem to be conflict and competition–but when was the last time we saw significant programming devoted to something such as cooperation?  Love?  Peace of mind?  Hope?

If we start reading a book and we don’t like it, we stop reading it, don’t we?  But if we start watching a television program and we’re not enjoying it, we simply change the channel.  And many times we change it until we find the least objectionable program for us–in other words, we choose the lesser of many evils, while not thinking at all about what effects it may be having on us.  Why not just turn the thing off?

There’s obviously nothing inherently wrong with TV.  But not all programming is created equal.  If we want to feel peace in our minds and hearts, then we can’t focus two of our five senses on negativity.  Television, as with anything else, can have its place.  But as I finish up here, listening to these people interrupt each other, speak condescendingly to each other, insult each other, and dish up health doses of self-aggrandizement, then I realize that the decision that my wife and I made well over a year ago to turn off our TV for good to outside programmers is definitely a very healthy decision.  We can program for ourselves with the great selection of DVD’s out there, and that’s definitely the best for us.

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Sometimes death comes up and smacks you right between the eyes.  It happened to me today, reminding me of some very important truths in life.  Truths that have to do with the fact that this life will one day end, for all of us, and with the idea that if we’re going to be satisfied and content with what we’ve done with our lives once death comes, it’s important that we spend our right nows doing things that will make us satisfied, or just being people with whom we’ll be satisfied on that day when death comes calling for us.

If I want to be content with all that I’ve done on the day I die, then I need to make positive choices today about what I’m doing today and tomorrow.  Is what I’m doing contributing in positive ways to the lives of others?  Will this next action of mine contribute to the peace and hope of the world, or the anger and frustration?

If I want to have a sense of peace on my deathbed (assuming I die in bed!), then I need to be sure that I do things that will bring me–and others–peace.  Starting or continuing arguments will never do that, nor will gossiping or spreading rumors.  Encouraging others and giving them praise, on the other hand, will.

If I want to have no regrets when I’m ready to pass on, then I need to take risks and do things that I dream of doing.  I can’t live safely inside of an artificial shell that is supposed to protect me–that’s the kind of protection that harms me more than it helps me.  Risk is a major ingredient of a fulfilling life, and the lack of risk gives us a life with no seasoning at all–just blandness and boring tastes.

I was reminded today that death will come.  If I keep that fact in mind, I can live my life so that it won’t really matter when it does–I’ll be ready to move on and willing to let go of a life that I’ve lived fully, rather than kicking and scratching to hold on to it in order to get again the chances to do so many of the things that I didn’t do when I had the chances to do them in the first place.  Which way would you prefer to go?

Death twitches my ear.
“Live,” he says, “I am coming.”

Virgil

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Probably the most difficult thing that I ever had to teach myself in life was the fact that I was–and am–lovable.  I grew up thinking that I was completely unlovable, that no one would ever love me, that there was somehow something wrong with me that made it impossible to love me.  And with that thought buried deeply within me, guess how I always acted around other people?  I acted as if they never could love me.  And since I acted that way and felt that way, guess how other people saw me?  As pretty unlovable, believe it or not.

But something that I’ve learned in the meantime is that I am lovable–that we all are lovable children of God, that we all have lovable qualities that make us truly unique.  Learning this was a great shock to me, for I had to include myself in the “all” category.  And if I were lovable, then guess what?  I didn’t need to have someone else be in love with me in order for me to know that I’m lovable.  It’s a pretty liberating realization to make, especially for someone like me who never considered himself to be lovable at all.

Some people have problems on the other end of the spectrum and consider themselves to be much more irresistable than they really are.  It’s really quite a similar problem, though in a different way.  But many of us have a hard time thinking that other people can actually love us, and learning–and accepting–that we are lovable is a very important part of our growth as human beings.  After all, why and how would God ever create a being that is completely unlovable?  It just doesn’t make sense.  If God made us, then what are we saying about God when we claim that we’re not good enough for people to love us?

You’re lovable, too.  Have you looked at yourself as a lovable person lately?  What do you see when you do?  How do you feel when you do?  It’s a great feeling to know that we’re lovable, and I hope that you treat yourself to that feeling as often as possible.  You may not be truly loved by the people you wish would love you, but that’s a question of just finding the right people who do love you, who do appreciate you for just who and what you are.  And it won’t be until you admit and accept that you are lovable that you’ll truly love yourself–and it won’t be until you truly love yourself that you’ll be able to love anyone else truly, without condition.  When we realize these facts, it becomes imperative that we reach a point at which we see and feel ourselves as lovable.  A lot depends on our ability to do this!

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We don’t always have to do everything ourselves–sometimes it’s best to step back and let someone else contribute.  Today, it’s Bernie Siegel:

I have always found it hard to prune a tree and relatively easy to operate on someone.  That may seem coldhearted, but when I am operating on someone I am removing a disease or correcting some defect in the person’s body.  I can remove dead limbs from trees, but any other pruning is upsetting because I don’t want to saw through something that is alive and appears healthy.

One day I was standing in our yard next to our mimosa tree with Jeff, who is a master gardener.  “Dad, you need to prune this,” Jeff said, pointing to the tree.

The branch he was pointing to was very large and covered with many beautiful blossoms.  I told him I didn’t mind that it grew at an odd angle.  I didn’t care about the shape or symmetry of the tree.  The branch was alive and bearing blossoms and I didn’t want to lose it.

Jeff listened to my impassioned plea and then said, “Dad, if you don’t prune the tree, it will die.”

Now he was speaking my language.  If we were dealing with a threat to the life of my patient, then I could understand my consultant’s advice and the need to operate.  I got out my saw and removed the limb.

What did Jeff and the mimosa tree teach me about life?  There are times when you must be willing to give up a part of yourself to save your life.  In some cases, it means literally giving up a part of your body or the loss of the use of limbs or organs.

How much you regret giving part of yourself up depends on how you define yourself.  It is easier to lose parts of your body if you understand your essence and realize you are more than the sum of your parts.  You have a spirit and soul that cannot be altered by pruning.  Yes, the envelope can be altered and the container can be crushed, but the essence remains unaltered.  Your faith and love can continue to exist no matter how badly your physical body is damaged.

This is a difficult lesson for most of us.  Take a look around and you’ll see the people who have gone on living and loving despite disfigurement, paralysis or loss of limb.  If you see their example, learn from them and realize that you are a spirit.  Then you will understand how to give up physical parts of yourself and still be capable of performing acts for the greater good.

I removed a portion of the lovely mimosa so it could go on providing us with beauty for many years to come.  I believe the tree understood this more easily than we do.  Whether you are pruned by surgery, aging or disease, accept the fact that you must give up portions of yourself, at times, in order to survive and continue growing toward the light.  Remember that losing one part may lead to the enhancement of others.  Your work of art is not finished until the day you die.

(An excerpt from his book Prescriptions for Living.)

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One of the most important pieces of advice that I’ve ever heard is not to judge people until you’ve walked in their shoes.  Another important piece of advice for me is to listen to advice from other people who have learned through experience.

You see, almost everyone has heard the advice about walking in other people’s shoes.  Most people, though, don’t take advice like that to heart, and thus they lose the opportunity to learn some very important things about life and living.

One of the most important things about walking in other people’s shoes is the fact that it’s about the only way that we can learn true compassion.  When we see what other people are going through and try to understand it through the framework of our own feelings and experiences, then we simply can’t understand the truth of what they’re going through.  If we try to open our minds to understanding that there are other ways to experience things, we just might get a small indication of what it’s like to feel what they’re feeling.

And only when we get that small indication can we begin to feel compassion.  Only then can we accept that even if someone is experiencing things in ways that I never have, that doesn’t change their pain or their joy or their confusion or their satisfaction.  When we can step back and allow others to experience life in their own ways, then we can start to feel a part of a greater whole–then we can truly feel part of the human race.

Everyone is living his or her unique life.  That’s the beauty of being part of a world of individuals.  Our job isn’t necessarily to understand what others are going through or controlling it or fixing it, but simply allowing it to be and responding to it not according to what we think is expected of us, but according to what our true, sincere and authentic reaction is, the one that feels best to us as kind, considerate, compassionate human beings.

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